Worthless post, away!

What your name means: Purity

Favorite summer memory: From this summer, it was probably our trip to Heisler's. It's kind of strange to classify that as a memory since it happened just last weekend though.

What's on your mousepad: A gelatinous bump that gives padding to my wrist

Favorite game: Either Catchphrase, Apples to Apples, or Last Word. It's tough to choose.

Favorite drink: Some type of tea, probably

Favorite food: I like food too much to narrow my tastes down to one particular dish. It just doesn't seem fair.

Favorite colors: Blue and silver

Favorite thing to do on a weekend: Right now weekends aren't all that different from weekdays, but soon that will all change...

Favorite soundtrack: Ooh... Trainspotting if I'm cooking and Garden State or Anchorman otherwise.

Currently annoyed about: My mysterious stomach rumblings

First thought in the morning: Thoughts don't really coalesce until I'll fully awake. (And words like "coalesce" are never used before about 11 am.)

Future son names: Bryan and I can never agree on boys' names. He wants to name them after Ghostbusters, and I lean towards classic authors. (Seriously, Dante is way better than Igon.)

Future daughter names: We both like the name Violet.

What do you drive: The Batmobile

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: I'm surprised to say that I don't!

If you could meet one person in the World, who would it be: George Bush, so I could slam him in the face with a cast-iron frying pan and hear the pleasingly hollow "bbwwwoooooiiing"

What is your zodiac sign: Libra

Do you eat stems of broccoli: Yes, although I'm not a huge fan

Favorite brand of gum: I don't chew gum anymore because I can't find any that doesn't contain aspertame.

What's on your walls in your room: Nothing yet. Decorating isn't a priority when we move into a new place!

If you could be one gardening tool, which one would it be: The funniest answer is a hoe, but I would prefer to be trowel, just because it's awkward to say. "Hi, I'm a trowwwwel."

What kind of shoe would you be if you had an option: Did the person who wrote this really need to say, "If you had an option"? Isn't it obvious that the question is hypothetical?

What's under your bed: Your mom.

Current worry: None, really

Bacon Bits Or croutons: Definitely croutons. Bacon bits were gross even when I was eating meat.

Favorite Salad Dressing: Good old balsamic vinaigrette (I can never spell that word!)

Have you ever been convicted of a crime: Yep, and I'm writing this survey from jail.

One pillow or two: Are we still talking about jail?

Pets: I still consider Lillers mine, even though I don't live with her anymore.

Hobbies: You know, I don't think I have any. This occurred to me the other day. Besides reading, I really can't think of any. I don't collect vinyl anymore, I don't play sports, and I don't build anything. Does napping count?

Word or Phrase you overuse: Probably "oooh!"

Toothpaste: Um... yes?

Favorite beer: Ick, ugh, or bleh.

Favorite song at the moment: I'm boring enough to admit I can't answer that question. I haven't been listening to much music lately.

Favorite subject in school: English or history (depending on the year)

Least favorite subject in school: GYM

Most humiliating moment: It would have to be the time when the neighboring teaching yelled at my class and made me cry last year. I was just rereading that blog post, but now I can laugh about it. A little.

Current wonder: Is it about to rain or is the sky just cloudy?

Craziest or Silliest Person You Know: Probably Bryan's brother

Favorite Holiday: I suppose it's still Halloween

Plans for the rest of the day: Paint my nails, run errands with this husb, pick up Chinese, and watch Ratatouille with his parents at their house

The Happening

Like just about everyone else, I was terribly disappointed by The Lady in the Water and wasn't sure what to expect from Shyamalan's latest release. I'd heard the rumors about The Happening being predictable, pretentious, and stupid, but as always, I wanted to see it for myself before I decided anything.

Essentially, the film is about -- and no, this isn't a spoiler -- a mass outbreak of confusion, panic, and death. As the population on the East Coast rapidly whittles itself down, the survivors search for answers, looking for someone or something to blame for hundreds of gruesome suicides.

Some suspect the government may be to blame, and some worry about a connection to nuclear testing. Others think plants may have caused the outbreak, as plants are known to release chemicals to aid their own survival. Yet others suspect water contamination. The behavior of the characters leads the audience to suspect a connection to the exhibition of strong emotions or to the number of people in one spot when an outbreak occurs.

In the end, the audience isn't given a reason why people spontaneously stop what they're doing, say nonsensical things, and then kill themselves. This is the point where the average viewer says, "Oh god, that was stupid. I can't believe I wasted my time with this."

But the entire point behind the movie is that there is no cause.

To me, the movie is a metaphor for behavior in society today. People are constantly looking for something to blame -- the media, terrorism, specific ethnic or social groups, technology, education, environmental changes, religious sects, etc. -- for a great number of problems. However, people are so focused on finding a cause that they don't attempt to fix current problems (just as none of the victims in the film were given any help) or prevent anything further from happening. Instead, they panic, point fingers, and end up focusing on something that's not really the cause.

I think Night intentionally threw in things to distract the audience and make us think they might have caused the deaths, but the point is that we're not supposed to find the cause. Our behavior as an audience mirrors the behavior of the society Night is criticizing and analyzing through the film.

Again, Night has created a film that is hated by people who are afraid to think deeply enough in order to like it. It's much easier to dismiss it as "not that scary" or "pointless" than to stop and think about how our behavior as viewers is reflected in the very film we're watching.

True, the film isn't perfect. I agree that showing the characters' horrified faces as they look at a yet-unknown terror has become trite. The music in the film is too obvious (although I did appreciate knowing when I should brace myself for a jump scene). The dialogue is stilted, and the stock footage of scenery was forced when he started using it two films ago in The Village. But I don't think it deserves all the criticism it's getting. It's a great film, as long as the audience is willing to feel confused and move to a degree of thinking that most Hollywood films don't require.

Worst excuse ever?

Yesterday one of my seniors walked into class and presented me with a handwritten, one-page "book report" on notebook paper. Keep in mind that I require that the report is typed AND that this kid's report is already two days late.

"Hey, I'm really sorry that I didn't get to type this," he begins. "I tried to get it done last period but couldn't."

Red flag #1.

"I was playing Sonic the Hedgehog..."

Red flag #2.

"...On my cell phone..."

Red flag #3.

"...But then I lost and had to go back to the beginning. The problem with that game is that when you lose your last guy, you have to go ALL the way back to the beginning, and I was on level THIRTEEN. It's really hard and I never made it that far before. So I had to go back to the beginning of the game..."

By now I'm biting my lip to keep from laughing about how serious he is.

"...And I was mad that I threw my head back and cracked the windowsill behind me."

My lower lip is quivering.

"So I broke the windowsill and now I have this big bump on my head and I couldn't concentrate to get my book report done because I've felt like crap since then. Here, feel my head."

But I can't. I'm too busy laughing.

On the terrifying possibility of food rationing

My grandparents remember government rationing of staples like sugar and bread from the days of WWII.

My parents remember gasoline rationing from the 70s.

My generation? The closest thing we've seen is "limit one toy per customer" signs during the Beanie Baby craze of the late 90s.

Scary stuff. Very scary.

NY Paper Reports Food Rationing Appearing in US

It happens every spring.

Every year, on the first warm day of spring, I do something bold – something that goes against my very nature.

I go outside.

Birds screech in disbelief. Passing motorists crash into trees, temporarily blinded by the sunlight reflecting off my bare skin. And I find a sunny spot on the grass, spreading my NeatSheet on the verdant floor.

A minute later, ants begin crawling on my blanket. A minute after that, my back starts to get painfully itchy. (Oh, right – I’m highly allergic to grass.) I slowly realize it isn’t actually as warm outside as I thought. (I guess the high temperature of the day doesn’t usually occur at 5 pm, does it?) But I rub my arms for warmth, surreptitiously scratch my back, and brush the ants away with my book.

Ah, yes – the book. By now I’ve remembered that my contacts make my eyes so photosensitive that I can’t keep them open wide enough to read. Just as I begin to ponder solutions to this problem, I involuntarily shudder as a gargantuan ant scurries across my thigh. Oh god! Were ants always this big? As he scampers back to the grass, I swear I hear him laugh at me.

Suddenly the breeze picks up, and I shudder again. I also become cognizant of a pulsating swarm of miniature flies that definitely wasn’t surrounding me when I sat down. One zooms up my nose, causing me to jump to my feet before I even know I’m reacting.

I gather my blanket, throw on my shoes, grab my book, and dash back inside. Once in the apartment, I see that only three minutes have passed since I left.

I slather myself in sunless tanning lotion and call it a day.

Easter bunny training?

It could be the silly mood I'm in, but this video is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time.

Overzealous mechanical bunny vs. placid real bunny

My current favorite snack

I discovered these almonds about two weeks ago, and now I can't stop eating them. Honestly, I don't think I ever need to eat salt and vinegar chips again. These nuts have just has much flavor and the almonds are actually healthy! I don't recommend them unless you love the s&v flavor (I'm the type who soaks her french fries in vinegar and wants her eyes to water a bit when eating s&v chips). But if you do like that flavor, you're going to get addicted to these almonds!

Open letter #908

Dear Twizzlers,

We are through -- absolutely through. I have been craving your sweetness for months now, and every time I buy a package of you, you are tough and stale. Whether I buy the purse-sized individual pack or the double-as-a-child's-booster-seat family pack, it's always the same. The only way I can taste anything close to freshness is by buying the exorbitantly expensive and environmentally wasteful individually wrapped kind. My personal theory is that the company has not made any new product since 2003, and we're still eating the leftovers. Unless I need a color-coordinating scourge or a flexible caulk for around my windows, I shall buy you no more.

And DON'T give me that look. It's too late now.

Sincerely,
Me