This is your brain under enormous academic pressure.

Last Thursday, I had two teaching interviews in one day. They both went well, although the first one hit me with a question I really was not prepared for. I'm continually amazed by my ability to say something as I'm thinking something completely different. Observe:

Principal asks: So for this position, you would be required to teach two sections of American lit and two of British lit. Give me your three must-teach novels for each of those categories.

Mouth says: Wow, that's a great question. Nobody's ever asked me that question before. I guess I'd want to pick novels that define a time in history and give students something they can connect with.
Brain thinks: Novel? What is this "novel" you speak of? I've never read a novel in my life. I CAN'T THINK OF ANY BOOKS.

Principal: Sure, take your time.

Mouth: Well, for American lit, I'd have to say The Scarlet Letter. It has so much to say about changing social values, responsibility, and leadership. It really gives students a lot to think about and discuss.
Brain: Oh shit. I think Hawthorne was British. Or maybe he was American. I don't freaking know! You already started it -- just go with it.

Mouth: Next, I'd have to go with The Great Gatsby. It's such an important book because it was one of the first to have American youth as its focus. It was really about what was happening in the country at the time, plus students love discussing the American Dream.
Brain: I just said this title when I talked about my unit plan, so I'll say it again.

Mouth: Finally, I would go with The Red Badge of Courage. I find that male students really connect with this book, plus it defines an important moment in American military history.
Brain: I HAVE NEVER READ THIS BOOK. I saw the Wishbone episode about ten years ago, but I never read the book. Oh my GOD -- why did I choose to talk about a novel I've never read?! I don't even know which war it's about!

Principal: Okay, great. And how about your British choices?

Mouth: How far back can I go?

Principal: You're the boss; it's up to you.

Mouth: Okay, first I'd choose The Canterbury Tales. I love Medieval literature, and I'd love to teach something from that era. During the Middle Ages, everything intersected -- religion, science, music, art, moral values -- and I think that gives students a lot to think about.
Brain: Finally -- something I can agree with.

Mouth: For my second one... oh wow, it's so hard to choose.
Brain: That's it. I've run out of British literature.
Mouth: I think I'd have to go with Beowulf. Again, it's another good boy book, plus everybody likes to talk about monsters and mythology. Plus it's important for genre study, since it was the first of its kind.
Brain: At least you thought of something. Now I'm really out of choices.

Mouth: And finally... wow, there are so many to choose from.
Brain: I'm done. Can I go home now? If I'm not careful, you might end up saying, "Mr. Bean" or "Wallace and Gromit." I'm dyin' here.
Mouth: I guess I'm going to have to skip all the way up to Jane Eyre. I taught that novel during student teaching, and I found my students really liked it. It made them think about women's roles in society and the way men are portrayed in literature.
Brain: My kids hated this book. I hated this book. I hope I never have to teach it again.

Mouth: So I guess those are my choices! It's hard to choose between all the great options out there.
Brain: I need a fucking drink.