Blaaaaaaaah.

I feel... off tonight. I don't know. I just don't look forward to the weekends like I used to. Well, I do if I have something fun planned (like when my favorite Jessica came to visit last weekend and I had more fun than I've had in weeks), but otherwise, they're just not that great anymore. Weekends just mean lots of school work with a heaping side of loneliness.

Hmmm... that was the most melodramatic thing I've said in a while.

But seriously, it's hard. During the week, I spend most of my waking hours at school, interacting with interesting people and just generally keeping busy. When I come home at night, I usually have a little time to relax, but I have to fit that in between spurts of working. On the weekend, the lack of structure means I have more opportunities to remember how depressed I've been feeling. If I don't have a strict schedule to follow, I get sad more often. Being busy doesn't prevent me from being sad, but it does help shove the sadness to the back of my mind. I guess denial can be a comfort sometimes, huh? On the weekends, I'm way more likely to get weighed down with missing Bryan or my friends or college life. I didn't anticipate how much I'd miss living on campus. I know there were times when I truly hated it, but at least there was always someone around to talk to.

Don't get me wrong -- my family is wonderful. They keep me entertained, and they're unrelentingly supportive. But it's not the same as having people my age to be with. I really miss my friends. And I really, REALLY miss my fiance. I'm getting tired of sharing stories about teaching or anecdotes about my students over the phone or through emails.

I'm just really fucking lonely tonight.