Thanksgiving's over already?

This weekend went by so quickly.

It wasn't the most exciting Thanksgiving ever. Of course, it was nice to have everybody (well, everybody except for Bryan) together again. However, I was feeling pretty down to begin with, and I really wasn't in the mood for the adult conversational staples of job complaints and tax grievances. Luckily I had Christie and Brent to play Hungry Hungry Hippos with me and distract me from this "real world" I keep hearing about. Without them, I think I would have resorted to banging my head against the wall.

It's funny how I instinctively look forward to long weekends, but in reality, I don't actually enjoy them anymore. The part of me that's still ten years old thinks, "Woohoo! I can sleep in and watch cartoons and play outside for four days straight!" Really though, I know it's just four days of working hard and being lonely. I know that sounds really whiny, but it's true. Right now, student teaching is my life. I plan, I execute the plans, I reflect on the plans, and I plan some more. That's about it. When I do have a chance to make social plans, they usually seem to fall apart on me. It's amazing how much I miss my students over a weekend, too. I've gotten so close to them, and I really miss talking to them during the day. The drive home to start a weekend is always a little sad, but it was really depressing last Wednesday, knowing I wouldn't see them until Monday.

(Part of me thinks the missing my students every weekend is going to end quite quickly once I have a real job.)

I feel like I'm torn in so many directions right now. In some ways, I miss being a student and going to classes of my own. I miss the debates and the group discussions of college. Another part of me loves student teaching and can't bear to think about leaving these kids in three short weeks. Yet another part of me can't wait to have a real job so I can finally start paying my parents back and can afford to go out every once in a while.

And I don't know how I feel about the holidays this year. More than anything, I'll be thrilled to have Bryan home again. That's really all that matters to me this year, to be honest. I don't need presents. I just want him home with me. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the sense of wonder and anticipation that Christmas brought when I was younger, and sometimes I wish I could just do away with the holiday altogether. I look at my parents, who are becoming more cynical and frustrated in regards to the holidays, and I don't want to become like that. I hope I'll always look forward to Christmas at least a little bit. But then again, I'm realizing more each year that Christmas isn't what it used to be (or what I deluded myself to think it was, anyway) so maybe I should just be realistic and not get my hopes up.

Maybe I should go to bed. I've had too much to think.